Understanding Children’s Wellbeing and How to Support Them

Understanding a child or young person’s wellbeing isn’t always about asking the right question. Sometimes, the most important information is already there, in the relationships and in the small shifts we might miss. This guide is designed to help you notice, interpret and respond to children’s wellbeing in a way that feels natural, relational and grounded in everyday practice. In an emergency or if you have serious concerns, please call 999 for immediate support or refer to the NHS Mental health support for children and young people.

Why Noticing Matters More Than Asking

What to Notice in Their Sense of Safety

What to Notice in Relationships

What to Notice in Emotional Expression

What to Notice in Engagement and Learning

What to Notice in Their Environment

For many children, especially those who have experienced trauma or adversity, direct questions can feel overwhelming, exposing, or even unsafe. Instead, their wellbeing is often communicated through:

Behaviour
Relationships
Engagement with the environment
Emotional shifts across the day

When we tune into these signals, we move from reacting to behaviour to understanding the child behind it. What this can look like in practice:

Be curious, not corrective. Ask yourself “what might this be telling me?” rather than “how do I stop this?”
Observe their sense of safety. Do they settle, explore and engage, or remain guarded and alert?
Watch how they relate to others. Withdrawal, clinginess or conflict can all communicate need

Before a child can express how they feel, they need to feel safe enough to do so. Look out for:

Do they relax when they enter certain spaces?
Are there specific adults they gravitate towards or avoid?
How do they respond to transitions or unpredictability?
Do they seek closeness, distance, or control?
What changes when the environment becomes noisy or busy?

What this might tell you: Safety isn’t just physical, it’s emotional and relational. A child who struggles to settle may not feel safe yet. What this can look like in practice:

Notice proximity. Who do they choose to be close to, and who do they avoid?
Look at dependency patterns. Do they cling, reject, or move between both?
Pay attention to repair. Do they accept reassurance, or struggle to trust it?

Wellbeing is deeply relational. Instead of only asking about friendships, observe:

Who do they sit near, follow, or copy?
How do they respond to praise, boundaries, or repair?
Do they test relationships or withdraw from them?
How do they manage conflict-avoid, escalate, or seek help?
Can a child re-engage after finding connection or support too difficult in the moment?

What this might tell you: Relationships are where children rehearse what they’ve learned about trust, power and belonging. What this can look like in practice:

Notice the intensity as well as the behaviour. Is the reaction bigger than the situation?
Name gently, don’t demand. “I wonder if that felt frustrating” can feel safer and less overwhelming than direct questioning
Allow time to recover. Some children need longer to regulate before they can reconnect

Not all children can name their feelings, but they show them. Pay attention to:

Changes in energy (withdrawn, restless, heightened)
Repetitive behaviours or patterns
Sudden shifts in mood across the day
How they respond to frustration or disappointment
Their ability to recover after being upset

What this might tell you: Emotion is often communicated through the body and behaviour before it’s expressed in words. What this can look like in practice:

Notice the intensity as well as the behaviour. Is the reaction bigger than the situation?
Name gently, don’t demand. “I wonder if that felt frustrating” can feel safer and less overwhelming than direct questioning
Look at the conditions. Do they engage more with structure, choice or support?

A child’s wellbeing often shows up in how they engage. Look for:

When do they engage most and least?
What helps them stay with a task?
What leads them to give up or disengage?
Do they prefer control or collaboration?
How do they respond to success or failure?

What this might tell you: Engagement is not just about ability; it’s about emotional availability to learn. What this can look like in practice:

Notice timing. Are there certain times of day when engagement is easier or harder?
Watch for avoidance. Disengagement can be a way of managing overwhelm or fear of failure
Notice reactions to success. Pride, dismissal or discomfort can all carry meaning

The environment itself holds powerful clues. Notice:

Which spaces they choose and which they avoid
How they use objects (comfort, control, distraction)
Their response to structure vs freedom
How the group dynamic affects them
What changes when the environment is calm vs chaotic

What this might tell you: Children don’t just exist in environments; they respond to them constantly. What this can look like in practice:

Notice thresholds. Do noise, transitions or unpredictability quickly overwhelm them?
Watch for control-seeking. Organising, holding or dominating space can reduce anxiety

Alongside this guide, you may find it helpful to explore 99 Questions to Understand a Child’s Wellbeing–a practical resource to deepen your curiosity, and guide meaningful conversations in your setting. The real impact comes from how we make sense of what we see and how we use it to shape the environments around children.

Take your practice further If this way of thinking resonates with you, it sits at the heart of our Award-Winning Foundation Degree (FdA) in Therapeutic Work with Children and Young People. The Foundation Degree (FdA) in Therapeutic Work with Children and Young People is designed for professionals working across education, care, health and justice systems who want to:

Understand how environments shape behaviour and wellbeing
Use relationships as a core part of their practice
Develop reflective approaches that go beyond surface-level responses
Build compassionate, enabling spaces where children can begin to feel safe, connected and understood

Through guided learning, supervision and immersive residential experiences, you’ll deepen your ability to see what’s really happening and respond with confidence. Explore the FDA and take the next step in shaping environments that truly support children’s wellbeing here.

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